The 30 - Topic #8

30 Things That I Dream of Doing if I Didn't Work at an Architectural Firm

1. Professional Scrapbooking 2. Drive cross-country in an RV selling handmade items to pay my way 3. Open a Bed and Breakfast 4. Become a Missionary 5. Work with Alisha at her bakery 6. Travel Agent 7. Full Time Camp Director 8. Become a Habitat for Humanity RV-Care-a-Vanner 9. Work for Passion 10. Work at IKEA 11. Marry a Christian artist and go on concert tours with him 12. Professional Photographer 13. Renovate and flip houses 14. Travel and write freelance articles for travel magazines 15. Event Planning 16. Volunteer all my time to worthy causes 17. Be a Flight Attendant 18. Work on a Cruise Line 19. Usher at Fenway Park 20. Professional Organizing 21. Open a Nursery (the plant kind) 22. Work for Google 23. Go back to school 24. Be a Roadie for a band (this corresponds with #11) 25. Buy a secluded cabin in Colorado and write a book 26. Be a Hospitality Director at a five-star hotel 27. Make and sell clothes 28. Taste Tester for any restaurant that would want my opinion 29. Personal; Shopper (this depends on who and what I am shopping for though) 30. Marry a rich man - and I can do all of the above!

Stay the Course

In my last post, I was really struggling with what to do....buy another house here in the Ville or look elsewhere or what? Well many things have happened since then. One big decision I made was to not buy another house right now. I really wrestled with this decision because I found a house that I loved and everything seemed to be falling into place with buying it. I even put in an offer on it...but as I was thinking over a counter-offer, it became very clear to me that I did not need to buy it. I just simply wasn't at peace with going any further. It seems the Lord just has other plans for me. I feel like that the direction the Lord had placed on my heart to begin with was to sell my house and then wait to see what He would provide. I just want to be faithful and stay the course even though I have no idea what the next step will be. I said a long time ago that I felt like the step I was on was to sell the house and that it would free me up, so I would not be tied down when the next step came. I guess when things didn't happen like I thought they would the first time I put it on the market (last fall), I thought maybe things had changed or the Lord's direction had changed because nothing was happening. But I really do think it was a test of faith and that I need to continue with what the Lord has told me because that is what I really have a peace about....as crazy as it sounds to sell my house and not know what is next, that really is what I have such an over-whelming peace about! I think I was just getting side-tracked or starry-eyed or just trying to do my own thing and when I stopped to stand back and look at it, I realized that I don't think that house is where the Lord is leading me. I think it is still part of His plan that I went down that road. But I just know that I don't need to buy it at this time. But I knew I needed to proceed with selling mine. Well, the Lord certainly provided a buyer this time - and very quickly! Within a week and a half of listing, I had a contract! (And will be moving out in 2 weeks!!) Soon after signing the contract, the devil really started attacking and trying to make me second-guess my decision. Between plumbing issues, some things going on at work, and just some other stressers in life, I had a rough couple of weeks. But through it all I can still say that I know this is where the Lord is leading me. The devil cannot steal my joy! So here's what I have learned from all of this....if the Lord gives you a Word and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is leading you down that path....Stay the Course! You will face opposition! You will second-guess your decision from time to time. The devil does not like it when you listen to the Lord! He wants you to think that your idea is too crazy to work and that you will fail. But you have God on your side! He will make a way where there is none. He delights in impossibilities! When we can trust Him for the impossibilities that's when we really see His power displayed! So, Stay the Course! Keep doing what the Lord has told you - even if you think others will think you are crazy for it. I am so excited about what might be next. I honestly have no idea at the moment....that's part of what makes it so exciting! I'm just waiting and watching....and Staying the Course.

What to do???

I’ve got a whole lot on my mind tonight….it’s gonna be a sleepless night. I am at a crossroads and I have some decisions that really need to be made. I have felt for a while that the Lord was guiding my heart to moving elsewhere. For a long time I thought He was leading me out of Louisville, but then when I had no real peace about where to move to and the doors were not opening up for anything else, I started to think about staying in Louisville and maybe just moving across town. So, I started heading down that road…I started looking at houses on the other side of town and I put my house up for sale. My house has been on the market (this time) for just over a week and there have been quite a few hits on it. Already there have been three different people look at it. My realtor is hopeful that an offer is just around the corner. All signs seem to be pointing to a move across town. The Lord has kept opening the doors toward this. Before, when I had my house on the market (last summer/fall), I had not one single person come look. Now I’ve had three look in 8 days! I have been praying that if the Lord wants me to move across town that He would continue to open all the doors and they have been opening one after another. But even through this, I am just questioning if this is really what God is telling me to do or if He is just opening the doors for other reasons. Does He really want me to move across town? Or should I just stay in a holding pattern for a while and live with a friend until I figure things out? Or should I still consider looking into other cities? I have had such a peace about everything until tonight. I’m not sure what to do. Is this uneasiness a closed door to moving across town? Let me take you back a little bit in my journey. For the past couple years I have been doing a lot of soul-searching. A lot of thinking. A lot of just figuring out who God really made me to be and if I am really being that person and fulfilling His purpose for me. Some days I feel very content in life, but more often than not, I just feel like I was made for something else. I honestly don’t feel like I am an unhappy person. On the contrary, I actually thoroughly enjoy life and get a lot of joy out of it. I am able to find fun and satisfaction in the most simplest of things. But I have come to a point in my life where I know that God really can do whatever He wants with me. I have no reason that I can’t go anywhere & do anything He asks of me. I’m not saying that God is going to do something really big through me; I’m not trying to expect something unrealistic. But I also know that I wouldn’t be feeling so restless for no reason either. I know that nothing is coincidence. There is a reason why we go through what we go through and I feel like there’s a reason I’m still single and maybe it’s because I’m supposed to be completely willing to do something as crazy as move away to somewhere TBD for some reason yet to be discovered. All I know is that I want to be open to it. I want to be crazy enough for it. I want to be used by the Lord for the purpose He has created me for. No matter what. So, one big reason for me wanting to sell my house in the first place was so that I could literally be free to move when God said to move. So my dilemma now is, should I just move across town, live with a friend for a while or keep looking at other cities? I feel like if I just move across town I am settling. Not really seeing what the Lord might do if I just gave Him a chance. I feel like I’d be rowing a boat around a swimming pool...able to see where I should be going, but not able to get there because I’m stuck in the pool (or in my case, a mortgage). I had a thought for a while about selling my house and then moving in with a friend while I sorted things out and waited to see what the Lord would provide. Somewhere along the way, I think I got my head in the clouds about a certain house I like and I let it carry me away. And I think in doing so, I forgot my original purpose for putting my house up for sale. The “problem” in thinking about moving out of Louisville is that I have no direction about where to go, what to do, how to get there, etc… I have no idea where to even begin thinking about it. I have no idea where I might get money to do whatever it is I might do. I have no idea if I would be able to get a job wherever it might be. I have so many unknowns when heading down this road. I have no idea how long the Lord might have me wait before clueing me in on the details (and I know I couldn’t stay in a holding pattern forever). I have so many question marks. So many practical reasons not to do it. So many signs pointing to failure. But that is where the really crazy part comes in. That is where I just expect God to do something crazy and provide everything just at the right time and in exactly the way He set it all up to work out. It is in this endless realm of possibilities and unknowns that complete excitement starts for me. In my Sunday School class this past week, we talked about Abraham and Isaac and how Abraham literally had the knife in the air ready to sacrifice Isaac, simply because the Lord had told him too. That sounds so crazy and irrational!! Why would the Lord tell Abraham to kill his own son – his own son that the Lord had promised him many, many descendants through? I love Abraham’s view of it all. He reckoned that the Lord would just have to bring Isaac back from the dead to fulfill the promise He had made. He was willing to going all the way with what the Lord had told him to do. He didn’t know why. He didn’t understand, for sure. He didn’t want to by any means. But he did it. He did it even though it sounded crazy to him, to Isaac, to the servants that traveled to the mountain with him. And at exactly the right time, the Lord provided a ram to sacrifice instead of Isaac. Proving that we don’t have to have all the answers…we just have to do what God tells us. So that is why I am so torn tonight. I want to have enough faith to know that the Lord can and will provide all the details when I need to know them. I just don’t want to give up on his plan in the process, so I’m trying to decide if buying a home across town is giving up on His plan or if I should just sell mine, but hold off on buying another one…? What to do???

In the Middle of the Jordan

Wow. Beth Moore really brought it tonight at Bible Study. At least she brought exactly what I needed to hear from God! Tonight's study looked at Joshua 4 when the Israelites crossed the Jordan River on dry ground after the Lord caused the river to "be cut off and stand up in a heap" - how crazy is that?? (exerted from chapter 3, verse 13). Chapter 4 tells us how there were 12 men, one from each tribe, chosen to go to the middle of the Jordan River while the water was "cut off" (or separated in two) and each of them select a stone to be used later as a Memorial to what God had done. Beth made a point to stop here and talk about where the Lord had those 12 men select the stones from. The Lord told them to go to the middle of the river to get the stones. Why would God want them to select from the middle? There they are, the Israelites, standing in the middle of the river, almost like their half-way point between Egypt (a land where they were not free, but persecuted and held as slaves) and Canaan (their Promised Land). They were looking one way at Egypt and saying even though it was not a fun place to be, it was comfortable and predictable. And then they were looking the other way at Canaan and envisioning all the promises from the Lord, but realizing they were just a little bit out of reach at the moment, that the road ahead was still a long one. They had two choices......go back to the old, unfulfilled, life of agony and despair. -OR- Remember how God had taken care of them thus far, the provisions He given them and choose to be hopeful that He would come through yet again and deliver them into the Promised Land just like He said He would. That's where I am right now. Right in the middle of the Jordan River......looking one way at my former self and all the strongholds that keep me paralyzed, all the fear, all the doubts, all the sinful pleasures, all the manipulation, all the things that have bound me and kept me there because they are habits, even habits that I hate, but they have somehow become safe and comfortable to me. Then I look the other way. When I look the other way, I see the hope of what things could be. I see growth, change, redemption, love, . And although sometimes it feels like I'm chasing a figment of my own imagination, I see a life that is more than I could have ever dreamed in my most wonderful daydreams. I know how the Israelites felt though. They look over there towards Canaan...but they can't quite see it yet, it's just a little too far away. So they wonder if they are chasing the wind or if they are going to be disappointed when they get there and instead of Milk and Honey it's more like Tap Water and Mayonnaise. They had to wonder when they do reach Canaan, if it will really live up to what they have pictured for all those years in their heads. They wonder if they would really liked to have stayed in Egypt....even though they were slaves, they lead lives of certainty.....they would certainly be serving food or certainly be cleaning the palace or certainly be fixing the chariot. But continuing on the journey to Canaan was full of uncertainties. Maybe they even wondered at times if they were really heading in the right direction. Is this really the path that God asked them to take.....did they hear Him right? Maybe He said to take a left back there because Canaan doesn't seem like it's getting any closer. I bet they wondered if there really was a Canaan sometimes.....does it really exist? Or is it like the 4th floor swimming pool at my 3-story high school that we sent freshman looking for? Because they had to wonder sometimes if something so wonderful really did exist. Yes, I feel a kindred spirit with those Israelites. I understand their doubts and insecurities about heading on towards Canaan. I know the fear of the unknown that they were experiencing. I know the tinge of uneasiness in the hearts about whether they were really heading in the right direction. I know the anxiety they felt about being let down if they really never made it there. But I also know the rest of their story. I know that they did indeed make it to their Promised Land and it was everything God said it would be! Joshua 21:45 tells us that "Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled." So this is my hope. As I stand in the middle of my Jordan, feeling discouraged and worn, but hopeful and content all at once, I choose to "hurry over" as Beth said and continue striving for the things the Lord has promised to me. While I don't know how long it will take, I do know that the Lord has a lot in mind for me and that it will go a lot easier if I just choose now to keep plugging away and remember all His previous blessings and provisions in my life. And I can rest assured that following Him into my Promised Land will be so very much more wonderful than going back to Egypt and my former self!

New Tunes and New Thoughts

Okay, so I decided that I wanted to try and keep my blog up to date on more of a daily basis.....nothing special, but just writing about some of my day to day activities and stuff......just so I can look back one day and see where I was and what I was up to and maybe see how I've grown (hopefully). :)

I got two new Cd's in the mail last week.....it was a pre-buy deal that 268generation.com was offering. For $25 you got three Cd's.....David Crowder Band's "Remedy" (which also includes a live DVD), Charlie Hall's "The Bright Sadness" and Chris Tomlin's "Hello Love." The first two arrived last week and I absolutely love them. The third will arrive next week. Charlie Hall is edging his way up my list of favorite artists.

I especially love Charlie's song "My Brightness"

It goes....

"Well I've been hit from every corner, I've been thrown from side to side and I'm cracked up on the inside so I come to you for life.

Your presence always heals me so I want to drink it in and you know where we're going, God, and you know where I've been.

And your love is like a rock when I'm spinning around.

Yesterday I felt so angry and today so insecure and I hate it that I wrestle with the God that I adore.

And your love is like a rock when I'm spinning around.

I know less about you but my heart loves you so much more. You're the bright in sadness, you're my brightness.

I wish this thing could pass from me but I'm wanting what you want. So bring me high or bring me low just hold me in your love.

And your love is like a rock when I'm spinning around."

Something just hits me in that song....and says what I want to say. As long as I'm here the Lord's not through with me yet and I know in time I'll figure out just what His purpose for me might be. As I look into the unknown that is my future, my prayer and my hope is simply that last line of the last verse...."bring me high or bring me low just hold me in your love." And I know He will. That's what makes all of this so scarily exciting. Part of the unknown is very scary because it is just that...unknown. But the other part is so exciting and I just get crazy with anticipation waiting for whatever it might be. I really want to be open to whatever it is the Lord is preparing me for. Whether He takes me across town, across the country or across seas, my heart just wants to please Him and live for Him and I don't want to do it half-heartedly. I want Him to have it all.

Until the Lord makes it clear in my life what is coming next, I want to continue to serve Him and make Him famous in the here and now. So that means working faithfully at my job and loving my co-workers the way He would. It means hanging out with friends and figuring out together what life is all about and pouring my life into theirs in hopes that they see Jesus in me. It means loving people just because they are people (even when they cancel appointments to look at my house!) because after all.....it's all in God's timing. And I can't do anything to hurry Him along just because I'm ready for it now. And I've said this to a good friend before and I remind myself now, that God didn't teach me patience for no reason. And part of learning patience is having to practice it.

I'm really tired of practicing patience, but it's where the Lord has me right now. So, I wait expectantly and with hope and a smile on my face because I know that following Him and being patient even when I don't want to be is the only place I really want to be anyway.