Thursday, March 12, 2009
In my last post, I was really struggling with what to do....buy another house here in the Ville or look elsewhere or what? Well many things have happened since then. One big decision I made was to not buy another house right now. I really wrestled with this decision because I found a house that I loved and everything seemed to be falling into place with buying it. I even put in an offer on it...but as I was thinking over a counter-offer, it became very clear to me that I did not need to buy it. I just simply wasn't at peace with going any further. It seems the Lord just has other plans for me. I feel like that the direction the Lord had placed on my heart to begin with was to sell my house and then wait to see what He would provide. I just want to be faithful and stay the course even though I have no idea what the next step will be. I said a long time ago that I felt like the step I was on was to sell the house and that it would free me up, so I would not be tied down when the next step came. I guess when things didn't happen like I thought they would the first time I put it on the market (last fall), I thought maybe things had changed or the Lord's direction had changed because nothing was happening. But I really do think it was a test of faith and that I need to continue with what the Lord has told me because that is what I really have a peace about....as crazy as it sounds to sell my house and not know what is next, that really is what I have such an over-whelming peace about! I think I was just getting side-tracked or starry-eyed or just trying to do my own thing and when I stopped to stand back and look at it, I realized that I don't think that house is where the Lord is leading me. I think it is still part of His plan that I went down that road. But I just know that I don't need to buy it at this time. But I knew I needed to proceed with selling mine. Well, the Lord certainly provided a buyer this time - and very quickly! Within a week and a half of listing, I had a contract! (And will be moving out in 2 weeks!!) Soon after signing the contract, the devil really started attacking and trying to make me second-guess my decision. Between plumbing issues, some things going on at work, and just some other stressers in life, I had a rough couple of weeks. But through it all I can still say that I know this is where the Lord is leading me. The devil cannot steal my joy! So here's what I have learned from all of this....if the Lord gives you a Word and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is leading you down that path....Stay the Course! You will face opposition! You will second-guess your decision from time to time. The devil does not like it when you listen to the Lord! He wants you to think that your idea is too crazy to work and that you will fail. But you have God on your side! He will make a way where there is none. He delights in impossibilities! When we can trust Him for the impossibilities that's when we really see His power displayed! So, Stay the Course! Keep doing what the Lord has told you - even if you think others will think you are crazy for it. I am so excited about what might be next. I honestly have no idea at the moment....that's part of what makes it so exciting! I'm just waiting and watching....and Staying the Course.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I’ve got a whole lot on my mind tonight….it’s gonna be a sleepless night. I am at a crossroads and I have some decisions that really need to be made. I have felt for a while that the Lord was guiding my heart to moving elsewhere. For a long time I thought He was leading me out of Louisville, but then when I had no real peace about where to move to and the doors were not opening up for anything else, I started to think about staying in Louisville and maybe just moving across town. So, I started heading down that road…I started looking at houses on the other side of town and I put my house up for sale. My house has been on the market (this time) for just over a week and there have been quite a few hits on it. Already there have been three different people look at it. My realtor is hopeful that an offer is just around the corner. All signs seem to be pointing to a move across town. The Lord has kept opening the doors toward this. Before, when I had my house on the market (last summer/fall), I had not one single person come look. Now I’ve had three look in 8 days! I have been praying that if the Lord wants me to move across town that He would continue to open all the doors and they have been opening one after another. But even through this, I am just questioning if this is really what God is telling me to do or if He is just opening the doors for other reasons. Does He really want me to move across town? Or should I just stay in a holding pattern for a while and live with a friend until I figure things out? Or should I still consider looking into other cities? I have had such a peace about everything until tonight. I’m not sure what to do. Is this uneasiness a closed door to moving across town? Let me take you back a little bit in my journey. For the past couple years I have been doing a lot of soul-searching. A lot of thinking. A lot of just figuring out who God really made me to be and if I am really being that person and fulfilling His purpose for me. Some days I feel very content in life, but more often than not, I just feel like I was made for something else. I honestly don’t feel like I am an unhappy person. On the contrary, I actually thoroughly enjoy life and get a lot of joy out of it. I am able to find fun and satisfaction in the most simplest of things. But I have come to a point in my life where I know that God really can do whatever He wants with me. I have no reason that I can’t go anywhere & do anything He asks of me. I’m not saying that God is going to do something really big through me; I’m not trying to expect something unrealistic. But I also know that I wouldn’t be feeling so restless for no reason either. I know that nothing is coincidence. There is a reason why we go through what we go through and I feel like there’s a reason I’m still single and maybe it’s because I’m supposed to be completely willing to do something as crazy as move away to somewhere TBD for some reason yet to be discovered. All I know is that I want to be open to it. I want to be crazy enough for it. I want to be used by the Lord for the purpose He has created me for. No matter what. So, one big reason for me wanting to sell my house in the first place was so that I could literally be free to move when God said to move. So my dilemma now is, should I just move across town, live with a friend for a while or keep looking at other cities? I feel like if I just move across town I am settling. Not really seeing what the Lord might do if I just gave Him a chance. I feel like I’d be rowing a boat around a swimming pool...able to see where I should be going, but not able to get there because I’m stuck in the pool (or in my case, a mortgage). I had a thought for a while about selling my house and then moving in with a friend while I sorted things out and waited to see what the Lord would provide. Somewhere along the way, I think I got my head in the clouds about a certain house I like and I let it carry me away. And I think in doing so, I forgot my original purpose for putting my house up for sale. The “problem” in thinking about moving out of Louisville is that I have no direction about where to go, what to do, how to get there, etc… I have no idea where to even begin thinking about it. I have no idea where I might get money to do whatever it is I might do. I have no idea if I would be able to get a job wherever it might be. I have so many unknowns when heading down this road. I have no idea how long the Lord might have me wait before clueing me in on the details (and I know I couldn’t stay in a holding pattern forever). I have so many question marks. So many practical reasons not to do it. So many signs pointing to failure. But that is where the really crazy part comes in. That is where I just expect God to do something crazy and provide everything just at the right time and in exactly the way He set it all up to work out. It is in this endless realm of possibilities and unknowns that complete excitement starts for me. In my Sunday School class this past week, we talked about Abraham and Isaac and how Abraham literally had the knife in the air ready to sacrifice Isaac, simply because the Lord had told him too. That sounds so crazy and irrational!! Why would the Lord tell Abraham to kill his own son – his own son that the Lord had promised him many, many descendants through? I love Abraham’s view of it all. He reckoned that the Lord would just have to bring Isaac back from the dead to fulfill the promise He had made. He was willing to going all the way with what the Lord had told him to do. He didn’t know why. He didn’t understand, for sure. He didn’t want to by any means. But he did it. He did it even though it sounded crazy to him, to Isaac, to the servants that traveled to the mountain with him. And at exactly the right time, the Lord provided a ram to sacrifice instead of Isaac. Proving that we don’t have to have all the answers…we just have to do what God tells us. So that is why I am so torn tonight. I want to have enough faith to know that the Lord can and will provide all the details when I need to know them. I just don’t want to give up on his plan in the process, so I’m trying to decide if buying a home across town is giving up on His plan or if I should just sell mine, but hold off on buying another one…? What to do???